Being mindful

Last night at pool we had a brief discussion about customer service. Don't ask me why I continue thinking about these short conversations long after they happen, because I don't know. Anyways, it got me to thinking about life in 2007. People are more withdrawn, and much less personal with everyone they encounter (not as a rule, but as an observation). If you pay attention for one full day, you'll recognize what I'm saying.

Think about the last time you went shopping and made a purchase (even if it was only a pack of gum). What was the look you got from the employee? Did they smile at you? Or even make eye contact? Did you say thank you? Or wish the person a good day? If I'm not mistaken, this was something people used to do. When they asked how you were today, they were really wondering. And when you answered, it wasn't the automatic "I'm OK" or "good thanks".

And another obvious one (especially if you are a commuter). People have stopped holding doors for other people. They open the door with their foot or elbow just enough to get through, and don't even look back to see if there is someone behind them. This is just rude in my opinion. I'm not saying that someone should sit in the passenger seat of a car waiting for the driver to open the door for them (let's not be ridiculous now), but have a little bit of courtesy.

CHALLENGE #1: The next time you ask someone how they are doing, wait for an answer, and listen to their response.
CHALLENGE #2: Next time you buy something, smile at the person working the cash, and say "thanks, have a great day!" and mean it. (Sometimes cashiers will laugh, because they hear and see this soo infrequently)
CHALLENGE #3: Hold a door/elevator for someone, even if you have to wait a few seconds. Face it...you're often not in that much of a hurry. You're just going to work to sit at your desk and check your email/blogs/rants. And if someone pays you this courtesy, say "thank you" and mean it.

To extend my ranting and ravings, I'm not sure why people are soo pessimistic in everyday life. The world is against them (and only them). I think this is in large part a product of ignorance. People tend to ignore the things that are going right, and focus on the things that are going wrong. When they get an email, or any form of written message, they tend to take it the wrong way (often not the way it was meant when written). Not that I'm an eternal optimist or anything, but I'm trying hard to recognize when people are making remarks in general, or when they are trying to send me a not-so-subtle hint. I'm not great at it still, even though I try to make this conscious effort. For example, while playing pool last night my mama dukes made the comment "If this game takes any longer I'm going to miss the end of it, I have to pee soo bad" (or something to that degree). I took it as "this is the longest game ever...", which of course pissed me off a little. But I was pissed at myself for not shooting pool better, and for no good reason either. She was simply making a comment, and it wasn't supposed to be anything personal against me. In fact she uses sarcastic humor A LOT, and it's because the people who know her know that it's her loving way of joking with you.

CHALLENGE #4: When writing or reading a letter/email (etc) consider the various ways in which it can be interpreted before jumping to conclusions about its tone. If the tone of the letter/email (etc) is in question...write back to clarify meaning. (I've tried this one myself when I thought my best friend was pissed at me. It turned out we had the message crossed.)

Take Home Message: Be mindful of what message you're putting across in any moment, and try to understand that others aren't as mindful as you. Don't take things personally (while of course remaining realistic).

I'm going to try hard to take my own advice too...

Right Where I Belong

I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life is, and where it's heading. I try to be honest with myself when I contemplate these things, because it would be otherwise useless. I've thought about the rollercoster of emotion I went through when applying to university (both times). Plenty of worries about if I was good enough to do it, or if I would be able to stick with it. And of course the financial burdon of being a student. Incurring debt with no forseeable income to pay it off. If it's really what I want, or if I'm just following social convention of some sort. Whether I'm trying to please other people, or if I am doing it to please myself? Will it pay off in the end? Or am I wasting valuble money and time? A lot of time. Years could be lost if I make the wrong choice.

But now I'm here, and the decision has been made. I have committed myself to at least two years here, in a lab with these people. Emotionally I have committed myself to longer. I have decided that I wouldn't be happy with anything less than my PhD. And so again I am worried and stuck in the worry of making the wrong decisions. Maybe I'm wasting my time. What will I do with it when I'm done. The age old question I've never been able to answer confidently...What do I want to be when I grow up? Except that now I'm grown up, and I still can't answer you confidently, so don't ask.

But I've decided on one thing. I am right where I should be. Every decision I've made up to this point has been the right one. I'm not regretting the financial strain, and I'm not regretting my education. I love the research I'm doing. I love to learn. I even like waking up early every morning and coming to the lab. I've learned to appreciate the alone time I have on the commute. I am right where I belong.

I still worry about what I'm going to do with the degree, when it's all said and done. But I'm not hiding from anything. I'm not putting off growing up by staying in school. This is what I was meant for, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else. My life is unfolding, and I'm right where I belong. A good feeling right?

I Survived

In case anyone was wondering...I survived the surgery. I no longer have tonsils. I now have big gaps in the back of my throat where my tonsils used to be. I call them "tonsil-O's". The surgery was scary. I didn't react very well to the anesthetic. I was crying and shaking, and I didn't know why, and I couldn't stop it. It's also scary being on the surgery table. I was laughing nervously, and chatting with the operating team. I felt like it was payback for the work I do at school with rats. But I only remember being in there for about 5 minutes while I was awake. I don't remember going to sleep. That part is neat thinking back on it.

Anyways, recovery was interesting. I took the prescribed codeine for a day and a half to get me through the worst of the pain by sleeping. Then I was sick of being out of it, so I stopped taking the drugs. It hurt, but I was happy to be back. I had a hard time talking, but I ate plenty of popsicles and was back to normal in no time. I ate with the family on Christmas eve and Christmas day, and feel like I haven't stopped eating since. Any weight I lost is back, plus some. Thank you Christmas. Back to the gym for the new year. Haha

Christmas was wonderful as always. Everyone got particularly spoiled this year. I think it might have something to do with getting all of our shopping done early. Then continuing to shop for things we didn't need. It was good though. A nice treat for the whole family.



New years was spent happily at home with good friends. The best way to spend it in my opinion. Overall a fantastic vacation. But now it's time to get serious again. Back in business. So I returned to school on Tuesday. Alone in the lab for the week I presume. At least I have been up until this point. Classes start up next week, so there will be a welcome return of routine.

I hope everyone had a happy holiday. Welcome back to reality :)