I hope someday I forget how to study

I was just thinking about my mom, who's sitting at home right now studying for an exam that she writes tuesday evening and I was thinking...I hope someday I forget how to study. I found myself going on and on to her about how "it's not that hard, just use coloured cue cards and coloured pens and highlighters. Of course you also need at least 5 different colours of post-it notes, with at least 3 different shapes etc etc etc" I really went on and on, and then as I sit here thinking I realise that I'm obsessed. I think I spend so much time thinking about how to study that I may have wasted many hours of my life. But now it habit, and I don't know how I would be now without my perfectionistic process. It's crazy really but every colour and shape and pen has a reason. It's like a filing system. It just seems necessary. I hope someday I forget all that and become normal. I hope I'm not the object of ridicule at the office (or lab...whatever) when I'm older because I've colour coded everything and nothing makes sense to anyone but me. I don't know why my mind works this way. I hope it helps mom, I may have hindered her instead of helping. I can see her now sitting at the dining room table overwhelmed with colours and pens.
If that's the case, sorry mom, I didn't mean to. I meant well.
I believe in you! and no matter how many colours you use, I'm sure you'll do great!

Besides that, I went home this weekend which was great. We had fun watching movies and relaxing, eating a fantastic dinner. My mom went overboard again as usual, impacted partially from the lack of leftovers when we had company over on friday night. It's silly really...

I'm trying to decide on what to do with myself after school...it's such a trying decision, and I have so many choices. I hate making life-changing decisions cause there is the most oppurtunity to make the wrong choice...if there is such thing.

I keep changing my mind. I want to help people I guess is the bottom line. I want to help people by maybe doing research (in that case I might do my masters in biology of some sort), or maybe just study the human brain and how it affects emotion to help people indirectly (in that case continuing education in neuroscience of some sort), and my most recent consideration is directly helping people. This is the scariest option. I am very interested in clinical psychology (what the normal population might consider "crazy people") but the problem is, I can't decide if I'm good with people. I don't know if I want to commit to helping people when really there is no guarentee I will be able to do it. Problem is, it's not a job for just anyone, and there is no way to get real experiance with these people unless you are post-degree. So basically I'd have to jump in head first with no clue as to what I'm getting in to. I mean, not "no clue" I guess cause I sort of know the basics. I'm learning about different disorders in class and stuff but until you really have to do it....
I'm scared because it's a job that requires that you remove yourself emotionally from people (which some would argue I'm good at) but at the same time it requires that you care enough to commit to helping. It can be trying sometimes too because these people have problems of the mind that can't be solved by simply prescribing the newest drug....well I guess they could, but then what's the point. Anyways, I'm not positive that I could deal with the thought of not being able to talk someone out of suicide or some other horrible action. I'm not sure if I really could remove myself enough, and not take on some amount of responcibility. If that were the case, would it be offset by knowing that I was able to help many other people? I don't know...
So do you choose your passion even if it might not be what's best for other people and it means commiting another 7 years to school and training...help me out here...anyone?
I don't think there is an answer. I think the really brave people become clinical psychologists. Maybe I should just stick to research and stick to what's safe. Or maybe, I should just quit while I'm ahead and be done with school with a double bachlor of science. I guess that couldn't hurt either. I guess continuing school just seems like the easy way out when you havn't decided what your dream is yet. Why is it that some people have a dream that seems so right for them when they are young and they can just work toward it. I'm having a difficult time working toward nothing. I hate to put it that way cause it sounds so depressing but it's kinda true. Not in a bad way, I guess I love to learn so I am enjoying that process. And I can't see myself doing anything outside of biology/pychology but I love them both, and I can't decide.
So, if anyone has a dream or an insight that I don't have....and you just get the feeling I should be a _____ then please let me know, I'm open to ideas. Maybe I'll go on a reality tv show...kind of like the bachlor or whatever but instead of choosing a mate, I'll choose a career. That'd be neat....
anyways, I wont have any choice if I keep sitting and writing about it, so I should get some work done before exams get here and bite be in the bottom. Count down...4 more weeks.

Aimee