Everything is Going to be Alright

I had a bad day yesterday. It started in the morning with a call from my supervisor at school. He was asking about my progress on a computer analysis program I have been writing. I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to vent my school frustrations here (is this equivalent to the Duce thing?), but I will briefly for now, and delete the post if necessary. So some of the people in my lab are a little bit less productive than myself. And that’s the nice way to put it. When it came time to do this analysis program, it was supposed to be a joint effort between four of us. But after a week or so of collaboration, we met to check out what the others had done. My supervisor had come up with some stuff, and the other two had absolutely nothing. I however, had made relatively good progress. It was at this point (two weeks ago) when I was told that since I was making the best progress, that I was being left on my own to finish the program. A good reward right?

Anyways, so I get this phone call in the morning and it throws me off guard a little bit. I wasn’t planning on working on the program yesterday. I was doing some course work because I have a seminar on Monday to present, and several papers due in a week or two. The other student in my lab has had plenty of time to work on her course work, and her research stuff is put on hold (again), so I figure it’s only fair that I can take a few days to get caught up. But it turns out, I have to use all of my free time to do that work, because the other 12 hours in the day has to be committed to research.

OK, so this sounds a lot like complaining, and it is in a sense, but I do love what I am doing in the lab, I just feel overwhelmed sometimes, and overworked. I spend more hours in the lab than the 6 others combined, and I don’t think that’s even an exaggeration. The weight of the publishing stress has been put on me this year, and I’m starting to feel it as the winter ends, and summer approaches.

My supervisor decides that he’s coming in at “lunch time” to sit down with me and catch up on my progress, and I agree. He showed up at 2 PM. Now granted somewhere in the world that is lunchtime, I’m pretty sure that he knew I would assume noon, or maybe 1 pm if he was pushing it. But this again, isn’t unusual. So I figure we have an hour and a half to work before I have to run to a seminar on preparing to publish (that I am attending on my own time, making for another late night at school). But he doesn’t sit down with me. Instead he makes his usual move to the other room to check on the other students, and help them (ie. Do for them) their research. He comes back into my lab room at 3:15, and sais “I have to step out for a few minutes, but I’ll be back by 3:30”, and I say “well I’ll see you tomorrow then, because I have that seminar in a few minutes”. Again, nothing accomplished.

Then I had the only good part of my day. I sat on a bench in a little nook on campus and let the sun shine on my face. The weather was beautiful, and I sat and watched a plane fly from one side of the sky to the other, and then it was time to go to the seminar. This was a waste of two hours of my life. It was more geared towards social science publishing (ie. Publishing a book, where I’ll be publishing in journals). Then I make the commute.

It’s pool night, which starts off OK. But then when it’s my turn to play, I get to play the grumpiest old man in the league. He’s good, and I’m not really good. He doesn’t talk, or even look at you when you are playing him. A good strategy because it’s the most intimidating thing ever. After the first 5 minutes of the game I hadn’t sunk one ball, and I was about ready to cry from frustration. I held back tears for the remaining 55 minutes of the game. The man seriously kicked my ass, and I felt like a complete moron for paying money to have the least fun I could have in one night. But I suppose I learned a good lesson…sometimes people are miserable, and it’s not worth letting them get to you. Let’s see if I can remember that the next time.

So overall, I am choosing to forget that yesterday happened. I’m looking forward to a good (great even?) Friday. I have the weekend off for a change, so I’ll have more time to do school work (funny how that works isn’t it?). Urgh…

If anyone is offering a tight hug today…I could use it

Coincidences

I've been noticing a lot of things that happen to coincide latley. I'll be thinking about something and someone will mention that very same thing within minutes. Or I'll be listening to a song at the very same moment as someone else (me on my MP3 and someone else on the radio or in their car or whatever). Or I'll write about something random, or think a phrase in my head, and someone else will say the same thing. It's weird.

I started noticing this happening a couple of weeks ago when I thought about a movie I hadn't watched in years, and I went home and the girls were watching it on TV. And then within days I was talking about this musician with Gemini's family, and my mom mentioned that she was missing his CD for months the very same day.

It hasn't stopped since then. I want to know what's going on. I feel like someone is watching my life and telling other people about what is happening when they aren't around. Like the movie The Truman Show. That's what it feels like. Like people know things they shouldn't.

I'm soo paranoid eh?

Speaking of which...I thought about the weather machine that was installed underground in Waterloo this morning. I was walking to work, and soaking up the sunshine, and thinking about how the government must have done the same thing in Toronto. They attracted people to this area with the weather, and built a city. Haha. I just shouldn't think. Cause if someone really is getting inside my head, I'm going to have men in black suits pulling me into a dark SUV at any moment to take me to the luney bin. I think the padded walls might be fun for a day or two, but not forever...

Save me from myself ;)

I think I've been spending too much time with my rats

Why am I so Excitable?

So, I'm nerdy or geeky or a brainer, or whatever the "cool" kids choose to call it these days. I like science, and learning, and I plan to stay in (or close to) school for probably the rest of my life. This is weird, I know, BUT I'm not the only one, it turns out.

I was hanging out with Gemini yesterday (what a gorgeous day by the way!! wow), and we went for a walk, and chatted. It was really nice. We decided to go for walks once a week, but I digress. So, he gets a phonecall on the way back from our walk. It's his "cousin" (who isn't actually his blood relative, but a very very good family friend). We'll name her "Physics Girl" for the sake of a screen name. She asks him if he wants to go out for a drink or something, cause she's had a bad day. He agrees of course because he's a people pleaser, and who wouldn't want to help a friend out in a time of need.

So she stops by his house, and we head to a local pub for a drink. Now, I have met physics girl before, but only ever under circumstances where we were going out as a group, and there was never really any chance to talk one-on-one. But last night there was. And I find out she's a nerd just like me (well not JUST like me, but close). She studies physics in university, which is brave in my oppinion. You really have to be a special kind of person.

So we get to chatting about school, and Gemini is laughing the whole time about how geeky we are. He tells Physics Girl about an assignment he had due the day before. He had called me and complained about it because he couldn't find information. I did a quick search and sent him some websites. So he's telling her this, and I'm feeling embarrased, because I really like doing homework, and his was interesting. And then I get the most classic science-nerd response ever. Physics girl sais "Oh my God! I totally know what you mean! I always talk about doing physics quizzes for the first years when they get up from a computer for a minute, and then running away. Other people's work is always more fun!"

I laughed and thought
a) I am glad I met this girl
b) at least I'm not alone in the world

NSERC

Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council of Canada

They are basically the people who decide who gets the governments money to do research in Canada. Or in other words, who doesn't have to accumulate a ridiculous amount of debt doing graduate studies on top of the debt they racked up in their undergraduate years.

So, I found out on Friday that they think my research is worth doing, and my grades say that I'm a good enough person to do it, and they have faith in me. So they are giving me some free money so that I can focus on my research and cure something, or do something meaningful. Basically, they are counting on me to do something great with the money they give me so that I can apply to get more money next year.

What it also means is that when I go to apply to transfer directly to the PhD prgram (without actually finishing my masters), they would be foolish to say no, because I'm one of the fantastic students that NSERC picked to throw money at. And shouldn't we give her the chance to do something else fantastic with her money?

So I'm happy, and a little less worried about paying for school next year. But it's still going to be as tight as it is this year, so no pedicures or anything, but I hopefully wont have to take on more than one part time job while trying to finish school. This is great news. I'm proud. My supervisor is proud. I deserve it.

The End :)

Trust The Man

Just in case anyone was going to watch that movie, I'd like to say that you might regret wasting 2 hours of your life. It's pretty much an all-star cast and so you'd think it would be a great movie, but it wasn't really. I can't even think of how to describe it. It doesn't fit any genre. Maybe romance but not really. It's a grim view of love I think overall. But maybe a more realistic one than normal love movies.

Basically there are these couples and they are "in love" and then they go through problems with staying faithful to their partners etc. And if nothing else, it makes you feel like that might be all there is. Well, that might be a pessimistic view from me, but it's like the movie is out there to tell you that all people make this fidelity mistake. Like, everyone cheats on their significant other, but if you love eachother than it's OK. And you can live happily ever after.

My problem is the title of the movie really. What do they mean by "trust the man"? Is it supposed to be a religous thing? Like trust God to handle love, because even though there is this human thing where people act on animal instincts to procreate with more than one person, God can figure it out and get you back together. But there is this other connotation in the title that's sort of demeaning to women I think. Because even if it was meant in a religous sense, it also has this undertone that implies that women should accept this kind of behavior. That if the guy is worth it, then you should trust him enough to stray from the relationship and return to it eventually (when he's ready) to love you for real this time.

I dunno, maybe I'm over-thinking it, but I just wanted to put that out there. I'm done complaining for the day. I don't know if I could have picked a better title. Maybe "Love sucks, but we deal with it". That would at least attract the right kind of viewing audience.

OK, I'm done, for real this time :)

Megadeth

The band that picked the wrong name cause people would probably like them a whole lot more if they didn't sound so scary. Like if you listen to their music, they will jusmp through the radio and kill your kitten or something. But whatever, I'm not intimidated by it. I don't really like kittens that much anyways...

So I went to see a concert. It opened with a band called Dope, that was a new-ish heavy metal band I had only heard once or twice before. They attract a younger croud. The kids with black hoodies and chains you know? The ones with a peircing through the skin on their sternum, and you can't figure out why anyone would want to do that. Yup those kinds of kids. But they were pretty good. The music that is.

Then Megadeth played. They were amazing. They only played for a little less than an hour, but it was high energy the whole time, and tricks or gimmicks. The band is just awsome. But, like always, they are an 80's hair metal band, so there were lots of next-generation rockers smoking the marjuana and making me laugh. Very entertaining overall.

Then it was time for Black Sabbath. The people continued to amuse me, but the music started getting a littl boring to be honest (sorry Sabbath fans). The first couple of songs were really good, and then you realize that the vocalist can't really change is voice. He can do thi one wicked-awsome screaming yeah-yeah! kind of voice, but not much else. Combine this with two lead guitars but No basist, and a drummer, and you have a bunch of songs that essentially sound the same...but it was good, just not AS good. Sabbath should have opened for Magadeth (*dodging bullets from hard-core Sabbath fans as we speak*)

One thing Black Sabbath di ave going for them though was the background entertainment. The amused me with a church-cathedral type background (for the Heaven and Hell tour) with great big creepy angel statues and optical stained glass windows etc. It was very cool.

I got groped by some old biker men every time I wasn't standing within 4 1/2 inches of Gemini, and if he walked away for even a second I would get comments like "nice tits!" from someone old enough to be my grandpa (Hi grandma! say hi to grandpa for me!!). This might have had to do with the 300:1 guy to girl ratio. And when i say girl I mean white-haired leather-wearing bikers wife who has listened to Sabbath since before I was born. haha

Anyways, it was a great time, and I'd like to see Megadeth again some day if they ever play a show that they are headlining. That would be amazing. And now I have a new group of friends (Gemini and his two closest guy friends) to go with. Funny how I manage to fit in with guys and yet don't stand a chance at making friends with Geminis close friends who are girls. Not a chance people...I should have been born with a penis.

Have you ever wondered?

How bulimics throw up every day?

I was contemplating this yesterday as I threw up the entire contents of my stomach. I think it might have had something to do with the cranberry juice I bought from the corner store. I didn't check the expiry date. It expired in November of last year.

I felt it coming on in the morning, but ignored the feeling, and figured it would pass. By mid-morning I was getting worried, as my body was feeling worse. Then my stomach got seriously upset and I knew vomiting was inevitable. But I absolutely despise throwing up. It might actually be the worst feeling to have stomach acid passing through your throat (I cringe just thinking about it). So of course my initial reaction is fear, and then I cry like a girl.

My supervisor at work doesn't handle crying girls very well. But luckily the other master's student in my lab was helpful. She sat in the washroom with me for a bit until I felt like it might pass again. I continued sitting on the cold tile floor for an hour or two. People in my building are very nice and kept insisting that i go to the fourth floor washroom where there is a couch-type thing I could lay down on. So I attempted the trip, knowing that moving might be a bad idea. When i got upstairs, it was lunch hour and the bathroom is right next to the kitchen. So, I smelt food, and immediately knew I wasn't going to last any longer. I ran down the stairs to get away from the kitchen, threw open the bathroom door, and vomited for 3 hours.

My mama dukes loves me, so she came all the way to Toronto to pick me up. She had Jen set up a bed for me on the main floor (close to the bathroom). By this time, I had nothing left for my body to purge, and today I am fine.

But the moral of the story is...check the expiry dates on everything before you eat or drink it. It might save you some serious trauma. Oh, and don't be bulimic....

The Sandlot

I just finished watching a movie that was a total blast from the past. In 1993 a movie came out called "The Sandlot". It was basically about some kids who got together in the summer and played baseball together. But one of the kids stole his step-dad's baseball that was signed by Babe Ruth to play with when they lost their game ball. He didn't know who Babe Ruth was. But then they were playing with it, and they hit it over the fence of som guys who is apparently the meanest man on Earth.
It's such a great movie, that I just thought I'd share. And right when I popped it into my computer and the first scene played, I smiled because I remember when Jen and I were into this movie, and we would dtake turns writing letters to the main character (played by Mike Vitar). We went to quite extensive lengths to write exactly why we had to meet him etc. But I don't recall ever sending the letter, but whatever.
I laughed about it, because it's so funny how we thought he was soo incredibly good looking. He was our perfect man for about two weeks (cause I'm sure that's about how long we spent on him before giving up, and becoing normal kids. Anyways, just thought I would share that. Good movie for a Saterday sitting at work :)

Stranger Than Fiction

That's the movie I watched today.
It was good, and I would recommend it.
The basic plot is a guy who leads a mundane life, and then one day wakes up and hears a woman's voice in his head narrating his life.

So I was thinking about it, and I think it would be awsome if this actually happened. Not because I would want to hear voices, but because it would make you exceptionally aware of all of the things that you were doing right and wrong in your life because you would think about all of your actions, and you thoughts. But it would get tricky becuase you could presumably hear the voie, so you would think about it. Then the voive would have to narrate you tinking about it, and it would become very circular. The movie actually did a good job at ignoring that issue.

On another note...I'm really happy today. I have no idea why. Nothing special happened today that would make me happy. Maybe the opposite actually. Last night, I played pool and lost horribly. Maybe more horribly then ever before. So that should have made me cranky. And it's a few degrees coler than yesterday. So it's not warming up. But, it is light out when I go to and from work, which is nice.

So I'm not sure why I feel so happy. I was smiling while walking down the street. I never do that. I love when people do, but I never understood it. And I still don't to be honest, but I caught myself doing it.

It's Friday, wich is nice, but I have to work tomorrow, so for me it might as well be Monday or whatever. I might go hang out with Gemini tongiht though, so I guess that's a bonus on Friday :) Other than that, I'm just happy in general. I'm not going to complain about it. Sure beats being miserabe :P

Music

I went back to exchange my MP3 player last night. I did an over the counter exchange (thank you warrenty), so now I just have to put music on the new one, and I'll be a happy camper again. Just thought I'd get that out there so noone worries about my sanity :)

Now back to work

Small Talk

In case you haven't noticed, I am really affected by the weather. A grey and cold day can make me cranky (think back to the Waterloo days for a minute and cringe). But a bright and sunny day can make me equally happy. The transition months (spring and fall) are my favorite just because of the weather. It starts warmming up in spring, and cooling down in fall, and that means breaking out the hoodies, and shedding the coat. Amazing!!

So yesterday I was very excited about everything. The simplest things were making me outright giddy, and I couldn't think of why. But then on my way home from work/school I realized that the sun was shining and it was relatively warm (well above zero anyways). So that made me happy.

On a less happy note...music changes my mood just as easily. My MP3 player has become a very important part of my day. I listen to it on the train, on the subway, on my walk to work, while siting at work, on the commute home, at the gym etc. But I think it's broken. I tried putting more music on it this morning. It told me it was full. So I tried deleting some, but couldn't figure out how. So, I tried wiping it clean to re-imput all the songs I wanted, and now it wont work. So I'm cranky. It wont even recognize that it's connected to my computer. So I might have to go back to best buy and get them to fix it. Sucky.

Apocalyptica

I just thought I'd share this because it makes me elated.

Gemini asked me to listen to this group that does cover songs from other bands that we both happen to like very much. So I forgot about it for a while, and then he mentioned it again, and actually let me listen to one of the songs he had on his computer. This group amazes me. They are kind of similar in musical style as the trans-siberian orchestra, but they do covers from Metallica and other rock-ish bands. And it sounds incredible.

So, I just thought I'd let the world know that this exists in case it could make you as happy as I am right now, listening to chellos and violins on a sunday morning.

Oh and...Gemini never ceases to amaze me. What a guy :)

More Memories

Gemini tells a lot of stories. It’s nice because we talk about things that matter but aren’t important or serious (though those types of conversations are nice too sometimes). He has this animated way of telling stories about his friends or his past. It amazes me when people have good memories like him. It makes me feel at a bit of a disadvantage, but I have many other things going for me, and I can’t be perfect, so I’m only a little jealous (OK, I’m a lot jealous, but don’t rub it in).

So we’re chatting on the phone last night. I normally hate talking on the phone because I find it impersonal, and I normally don’t have much to say. But for some reason he knows how to keep a conversation interesting. Anyways, Gemini is talking about stories from his past, and as he talks I start remembering all of these amazing memories from when I was younger. I love it, because no matter how hard I try normally, I can never remember anything. So I decided to write them down, before I forget again.

So I’ll start with when we lived in a different city, in a townhouse complex. I was maybe 5 or 6, but I don’t know exactly. I used to sleep walk. I would get up out of bed during a dream (presumably) and I was always on a mission to find the bathroom. So one night I fall asleep on the floor in the living room, which happens to be situated in exactly the same way to the kitchen as the floor plan from my bedroom to the bathroom (or close enough). So I get up off the floor and walk to the kitchen. At this point I whip down my pants and attempt to urinate in the kitchen cupboard. I don’t remember this part (because I was asleep) but I do remember the moment when my sister Jen slaps me in the face to wake me up, and tells me to go to the bathroom upstairs. This also happened when I attempted to go to the basement to pee (even though there wasn’t a bathroom down there). But I think this time Mama Dukes woke me up in a nicer way (thanks mom!) and sent me back upstairs.

Also living in this house, I had a friend that lived down the street. Her name was Shelly. I can vaguely remember one day playing in her backyard in the fall. There were a whole bunch of leaves piled up from raking the backyard, and I can remember building a little “fort” out of the leaves (which was more like a big hole in the center of the pile. We played in it for a good part of the afternoon I think.

And I remember going to a house down the street when my mom thought she was in labor with Brianne. So I must have been 7 (way to go math skills!). She sent us to this house to be babysat because it was the middle of the night, and I don’t think it was the first time she thought she was in labor. But I remember sitting on the floor in the dark dining room with Jen and playing with our cabbage patch kids. Amazing that something so normal (like playing with dolls) would stand out. I think it’s because I might have been a little scared for mom. I didn’t understand birth, but I did understand hospital, so it might have been a bit traumatic J

And another day when I lived there, I was playing in the front yard (which was fenced in). The maintenance people came around to cut the lawn (those were the days!). We (myself, and Jen?) were playing in a little plastic pool in the front, because it was hot out, and pools are fun when you’re little. So the guy cuts the lawn, and then gets out the weed-whacker. This was in the days when they had metal blades instead of little plastic strings. So he’s trimming the edges of the grass and one of the metal things flies out and sticks right into the side of our pool. I think I cried. If I didn’t then I felt like crying. I still hate those things. I’ve never held one, and I cross the street when they are maintaining the lawns in the city.

The best of these memories I have to put out there actually made me laugh when I remembered. Gemini was talking about dressing up when he was younger, and I thought about the times at grandma’s house when Jen and the cousins and I would go into the basement to grandma’s treasure chest (well a blanket chest, but whatever). We would pull out all of her amazing dress-up clothes, which included a wedding dress, some fur coats and things, and a belly dancing outfit. We would all dress up and do little skits and dances. I vaguely remember there being pictures of this from one Easter, but I might be making that part up.

So the moral of the story is that I actually do have a memory. It just doesn’t function most of the time, and it needs a bit of stimulation to get it going. I will continue to journal however, for when I hit 30 and have early onset Alzheimer’s. As an afterthought, has everyone seen the movie “the notebook”? Amazing movie. So if you haven’t seen it, grab a box of tissues, and make it you’re SatUrday night.

Imposter

I decided to do something this morning that is out of character for me. I got to the train station this morning and instead of taking my normal train I took the express train. Now my normal train leaves a bit later and makes every single stop on the way to my destination. I take this train because it's more relaxed, and I like to relax. I like to listen to music and write, and daydream. I'm not in a hurry to get into work, because all I do first thing in the morning is check blogs and facebook, and write. So really, what's the rush?

Anyways, I make a split second decision to get on the express train just for something fun to do. I like to watch people, and I often make up little stories in my head about where they came from, or where they are going. So I get on the train and I see several things I expect. For example, every person is in pinstripes and shiny shoes. In fact, not a single person was in jeans (like me!). So, I knew if people took the time to notice (which they don't), they would know I was an express train imposter. I don't have highlights, or a prauda purse, and I don't even use the accent on my name (though I could do so justifiably).

Another interesting note. Every person on the train car I was in was either sleeping, reading the business section of the paper (except one guy reading the sports section), or doing a crossword. I grin at myself by this point because I'm listening to my MP3 player (my life soundtrack), and I wouldn't have a hope in hell of filling out 2 answers in the crossword. I don't read the paper because it's boring, and depressing. And I wouldn't bother catching the extra 10 minutes of sleep (if you can even call it that).

I watched people check their watch several times during the trip (a total of 23 minutes). I counted a few times. One guy checked his watch twice in 43 seconds. I imagined that he was in a hurry to get to a surgery (because he must have been an anesthesiologist, otherwise why was he in such a rush??!!).

I don't think it's normal to feel this out of place on a train, but I manage to do lots of abnormal things. I'll never move into the city. Commuting is just *far* to entertaining.

Theme Nights Are Fun

My friends and I have started doing this thing, where we decide on a theme for a Saterday night and then just run with it. We have had theme parties a few times now that are based around raising a bit of money for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer walk in the fall (for which I'm still open for donations BTW).

So last night we did "Poker Night". We decided to get together with some friendds and play a few games of poker and split the pot at the end 50-50 between winner and fundraiser. This would have been a great idea, except that we had 10 people playing one game of never-ending poker. So there was a one time imput of money, and the game lasted hours. So it could have been more fruitful, but was fun just the same.

I'm not sure what the theme will be next time, but we are totally open for ideas.

On Friday the family went bowling as a fun night out to pseudo-celebrate Mama Dukes' birthday on Monday. We all got together and bowled a few games for fun. Jen's boyfriend got high score, but I'm not sure it mattered anyways. It was just an excuse to hang out and enjoy ourselves.

Gemini came along, and got a real taste of the family. I think he fit in pretty well (as predicted). We had some good laughs over how out-going my family can be at times. He didn't run away, so I think he likes us pretty well. At least he can handle the weirdo in us. It's fun to be a little off your rocker no? Maybe he'll stick around for a while ;)

The way the cookie crumbles

I haven't blogged in a week, because I don't have much to say these days I fee like. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a good memory.

I was about 5 or 6 years old. My sister Jen is a year older. We are in the basement of our house at the time, and we are litening to a record (yes...a plastic disc that spins with the needle and everything) on our yellow "Big Bird" record player. It might have been the Beach Boys, but I can't be sure. Our basement was our play area, and was filled with toys of all sorts.

It was winter, and there was a ton of snow on the ground. So we're playing and swinging from the beams in the ceiling, and singing our little hearts out. We decide at some point to play "house". So we sneak upstairs into the kitchen (though I'm sure mom knew, cause she knows everything). We grab the whole bag of chocolate chip cookies and run back downstairs (oh-so-quietly I'm sure...). We go to our plastic kitchen area and get out all of the cooking tools. There are mini pots and spatulas (PS. thanks grandma and grandpa for the kitchen set. good times)

We decide that we will make chocolate chip cookie soup. I love how this makes sense in a 5 year olds brain. Anyways, we don't want to go upstairs again to get some liquid to make our soup base, because mom might catch on that we are eating cookies before dinner, and that would lead to the end of our game. So instead we open the basement door and gather a bunch of snow. We put it into the plastic kitchen sink and wait for it to melt a little.
Then we crush up all of the cookies into the melting slush and pour it into little plastic kitchen cups. We ate the entire bag of cookies. I remember it being the best cookie soup I ever had. One day I might attempt a re-creation just to see...

I don't remember if we ever got caught for eating all of the cookies. I'm sure we probably did, but it would have been worth it. I don't remember a lot from when I was that young, but that one stuck with me. I was innocent and happy. I didn't have any real worries. And I think that's worth all the chocolate chip cookies I can handle.